I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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