Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
