It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
