We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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