Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
