I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
