I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
