I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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