I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
