I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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