one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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