Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize