somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
