I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
