Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
