matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
