so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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