She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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