i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
