A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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