forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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