why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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