The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
