Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
