Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
