The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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