can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
