you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
