it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
