I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
