He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
