weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont even know how to be here
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
