Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
