Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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