I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
