So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
