Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
