i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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