ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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