I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
