In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
