this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
