it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
