I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
