i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
