yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Pooping to opera.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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