I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
