dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
