You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your penis caused this!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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