I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize