I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
