he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
