found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
