so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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