Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drake has all the answers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
