and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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