he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
