Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize