This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know her cup size but not her name....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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