I puked a lego.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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