Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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