So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
