when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
