Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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