you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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