the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
